There’s a special time of year when parents across Britain gather together...
Open their banking apps...
And ceremonially set fire to every remaining pound in their current account.
It’s called:
The Great Back to School Money Bonfire
🔥 🔥 🔥
You know exactly how this goes.
First, it’s the new school shoes.
Because apparently the perfectly good pair you bought last month now crushes their toes like a medieval torture device.
Then?
New trousers.
New shirts.
New jumper.
New PE kit.
New trainers.
New backpack.
New lunchbox.
New water bottle.
PLUS...
£84 worth of stationery they will somehow lose before the first Friday of September.
And then comes the ABSURDLY specific calculator.
You know the one?
The £27 calculator that does precisely the same thing as every other calculator on Earth...
...except Mrs Wilson says they MUST have this one.
So naturally...
*click*
You buy the calculator.
At this point you've accepted your fate.
Your bank card is smoking.
Your Amazon driver knows your children's names.
And you're hoping that finally - FINALLY - the shopping spree is over.
Then your kid mentions rugby.
Ah.
Bollocks.
The mouthguard.
Out of everything on the back-to-school shopping list, this may even be the most important.
Sure, we're biased. We won't hide that. But it also happens to be true...
Your child's Hampsteads* are pretty important, no?
Why go through all those years of brushing, flossing, check-ups and overpriced dentist fees...
...only to send them onto a rugby pitch, into a boxing ring or onto the mat with their teeth flapping around in the breeze?
Suddenly you're picturing the dental bill.
All that brushing.
Flossing.
Nagging.
Gone because little Freddie fancied playing openside flanker without a gumshield.
Thankfully...
You remember SAFEJAWZ.
And here's the weird bit...
Of all the stuff you've just bought them for September...
This might be the ONE thing they're actually excited about.
Nobody's showing their mates their new protractor.
Nobody's flexing the regulation grey trousers.
Nobody's walking into school saying:
"Mate... check out my new scientific calculator."
But a Venom mouthguard?
Now we're talking.
They look good.
They fit properly.
And your child (teenager?) might actually WANT to wear it.
They may even hug you and call you the best mum or dad in the world.
No promises. But for about £15?
I'd say you're in with a shot.
Go on now...
Those hugs don't buy themselves.
